Current mood:

confused

Who knows...

Well. Hi.

My life is just nothing at the moment. I've discovered everything revolved around Sara..stupidly and now since we broke up, it's been hard.

Let me start off by saying a few things. 1. I'm not mad at Sara. 2. I'm not doing this to get back at her 3.Don't say anything about her either. Thanks..lol

Really the reason I am writing this is to honestly vent I suppose. I always put off doing these things anymore, but really they would honestly help me if I posted more often. Well the reason Sara and I broke up was due to not being in the right place we need to be with God. That's obvious because like I said..everything revolved around her, and it shouldn't have been like that. I do miss her. I decided to really cut back a lot on the talking so we could achieve this goal, and well right now I just honestly don't know if we are even gonna get back together.

On the flip-side, I've failed miserably with my addiction and I know how to deal with it too and I simply don't. All I have to do is grow in the Lord by praying and reading the Bible, and I can't even do that. It's kinda scary when you think about it. I feel like I have no life. Not being negative just being honest. I need something tangible to hold on to aka "Sara".

But I do realize the whole point of us breaking up it makes absolute sense, it's just that I know I'm not getting anywhere; I'm to blame, no one else. I miss feeling good. =/ I'm getting ready to go for my second semester in college starting Thurs..whoopee..not..lol. I have no energy. Weather that's due to my medicine or just lack of God I really don't know. But 1 thing I do know is if I don't get closer to God soon I'm gonna end up going down the wrong path and screwing up my entire life..=/.

I've had so many thoughts going on in my mind about me and Sara too..weather we are gonna get back together..if we didn't who in the world would I be with...who would she be with...the list goes on..I'm really trying not to think about though..cause that will drive a person insane honestly. And right now I'm not sitting here crying my eyes out and feeling so alone and stuff...I just don't feel happy. It doesn't mean I'm clinically depressed..I'm just numb; yeah that's a good word..numb.

On a side-note I went to the doctor who performed my Open-Heart back in March, cause I was having chest pain and stuff, and well he basically said he had no idea what it was, and that he recommended a chest x-ray and that was all..So basically I went to Cinci for nothing, blah.

Well just keep me in your prayers and ask God to give me guidance in knowing what in the world I should do. I would really appreciate that a lot...Thanks.

Buck =)